Sunday, August 29, 2010

Little Ninja Under my Bed

So, I think I have a mini-ninja in my room. Or a micro-singularity. Or a wombat. It’d have to be an invisible wombat, though. The micro-singularity you couldn’t see because it’d be too small, and the mini-ninja would be, despite his diminutive stature, still a fucking ninja. I’d notice a wombat, though. So that can’t be it. Either way, something is stealing my stuff. Like my keys from my keyboard. Two are missing*

Anyway, whatever it is, it’s under my bed. Arielle dropped a grape jolly rancher under there, and it’s gone. I put down my blue Magic: The Gathering (TM) rares and now they’ve vanished. So it’s a Magic-playing, grape-jolly-rancher-eating mini-ninja, since a micro-singularity would have swallowed my socks by now. But only the left ones. Singularities hate the right socks.

Anyway, I’m going the name my ninja. He’s Gary. I wonder why he lives in my room? Maybe his mother abandoned him here, under my futon, which is why he became an evil, thieving ninja. I think he just wants to be loved, but is afraid that, since he’s so tiny and evil, no one will love him. Don’t worry, Gary, if you’re reading this: everyone will love you, because you are a ninja, and ninjas are awesome.

Just give me back my Cytoplast Manipulator.

*I’m not sure which ones they are – it’s the one in the lower right hand of the number pad and the one directly above it. That’s all that’s missing, and I’m not even sure what keys are supposed to be there. I hope it’s not important. Like, I think one is the “page up” button or an equals sign, but what if the other one is the “Save Humanity” button. Or, even worse, the “get hot action**” button. Man, it’d suck if I lost that.

**Here's a way to be a better person: imagine that, whenever you interact with somone, their good opinion of you is the only thing standing between you and hot, nasty, sweaty, twisted-bedsheets-fingernails-on-the-back sex. Or, if you're more romantic, then an amazing candlelight dinner followed by hours of really intense, wild, passionate cuddling. Whatever floats your boat.***

***Usually, water floats boats.


Water Floats Boats: They'd have to be an inde band.

Mini-Ninja: works for pretty much anything.

A Micro-Singularity Would Have Swallowed my Socks: Works really well for an emo band's song title.

EDIT: Further inspection (which consisted of poking a pen in the missing key space and seeing what happened) proved that I am not missing two keys, but one, and it does not involve either the salvation of humanity or sex*. Rather, it is an enter key, and I now understood why Gary took it: he wishes to make a little door for his tiny, little, evil ninja lair, incase anyone of his size ever visits. And this door, touchingly, will read "Enter."

*Fortunately, it also didn't involve mass destruction or the Apocalypse, though that would have been cool. And fatal.


  1. Hey man check out my new band!

    (I'm kidding). Good stuff man keep it coming, also check out my blog for some good punk updates:

  2. Hahaha, nice. It would make my day if someone used one of my band names for a real band. :P

    And liked your blog quite a bit!

  3. riveting tale chap

    check my blog out

  4. heres to hoping its the tiny ninja
    though an invisible wombat would be intriguing as well......

  5. Oh sorry about your keys, I'll post them back to you.

  6. kill it with fire.

  7. I think i have a ninja in my room aswell. My socks keep disapearing. I have been trying to catch it the last few weeks. And here is some tips fpr you. Never attempt hand to hand combat, it will end badly. Guns are useless, will also end badly. And the last thing never let your guard down. I think i have saved 3 socks the last day beeing on the tip of my toes. Hope this helps.

  8. Re: john gray

    So that's where they go to...

  9. Hope it works out for you. Here's my dose of daily love ;)

  10. i love ninjas, especially the mini kind

  11. Reminds me of Ninja Assassin. Speaking of assassins, the new Assassin's Creed is coming out some time this year.

    Check me out sometime.

  12. This is a great post man! checking in on my daily rounds to show some real love for you. oh and i made a new minecraft blog maybe you check it out